The blesses & the messes

I know what you're feeling. That the things you do or don't do don't matter. The Lord possesses and blesses us with the things that are unaccounted for. 

Don't forget about what made you. Who made you. Who made them. 

Your time is nigh. Your time is whilst. Enjoy the blesses and the messes. 

God loves those and them. 

You are. 

Your family. The one. The three. 

They love. You love. The hugs. The constant bugs and etc. 

Enjoy it. Take in the long walks with them. The small talks with them. They love innocently. Enjoy them presently. 

Love thy neighbor. Not just your flavor. Be good to those weep. Be good to those that are cheap. 

Your blesses and the messes. CS Lewis said it best. Further up. Further in. 

Repentance

An acceptance of who He is and of who you are. 

Words

I think it's high time I start remembering what my kids say that encourage me. 

They don't say them out of pity, or guilt, or even gratuitous admiration. They just say them because that's how they feel about me. 

Just a matter of fact plainly stated by my babes.

So, with that said, here are their lovely words:

"I'm proud of you for going to work." - Ellee

"Luh you. Dada." - Myles

You're a good dada." - Ellee

"You're my Frank." - Ellee

"So, how was your day?" - Ellee

"We love Star Wars!" - Ellee

"I missed you." - Myles

"Will you help me?" -Myles 

""You're the best dad." -Ellee

I plan on updating this periodically. Not for anyone else, but for myself. 

10.27.15

Humility

Couldn't tell you what it is about the humility of Jesus that makes me emotional. Emotional in the tearful sense. Emotional in the elation I feel. I long to be the humble servant. I refuse to wear the rags. To clean the dirt off the feet of a selfless Servant-Savior. Why do I feel that such humility is beneath me and yet long for that wholeness. I must become less so that he becomes more. Help me God. Save me from being a shell. Make me whole. Cleanse my heart for humility's sake, for Christ's sake. I love you, Lord. Amen. 

You

I've decided that the more I try to learn about you, I less I truly know who you are. It's such a shame I've boxed you in all my life. 

You love the stranger just as much you do me and I can't understand it. Why is it you love the son who left us, took you for granted, and is now back at your feet asking for forgiveness. He doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve this. 

Why is it so hard for me to give up my idea of who you should be? Are you not my father? Don't you love me more that how i feel right now?

Oh but I do...I am. Do you not know that I love the stranger and the brother the way that I do, so that you may also love in the same way?

Am I not with you always? Do I not love you more than rest, and the rest more than the least, and the least more than the most? Don't be ashamed for how you feel. It's not your place to shed grace on your inequities. A rose can't make others bleed without first being planted and it can't save itself from having its thorn removed. 

You are my heralded child. I hold you dearly. I know you. Without transgression there cannot be grace. Have grace for others knowing that.

Hold tightly to what you don't know, and loosely to the things you think. 

I am good. I am yours. You are mine. 

Father's Day

It's Father's Day 2014. This is the first year that I get to celebrate it with a born child. I'm so grateful. 

Father's Day...it never meant so much to me until now. Not because it's a time where I get celebrated & recognized for being a Daddy. Having our daughter and another one on the way, a boy, is the reason this day should be celebrated. 

To Ellee: I pray you never stop enjoying the day. You are my greatest achievement. You are my favorite. You have brought me so much life to my soul because of your sweet nature. May you continue to grow, laugh, and love. You carry the essense & innonence of your mother. I'd like to think you're as jolly as your daddy. I love you my sweet little girl. 

To Myles: I was scared at the thought of having a boy. I didn't know how to teach someone else how to be a man. I used to to think being a man was contingent on the manly stuff you could do or not do. But I was wrong. You're born a man. It's not like I can teach you how to be my son. You are going to be born as my son. The other stuff comes with life. I'm excited to walk through your life with you. I believe you'll show me more of what being a man is about than I will you. You are my greatest achievement. You are my favorite. I love you my boy. 

27

I'm 27 now. 

I'm having a hard time writing bc my thumb is bandaged from a damn razor that is an Iscariot type. 

I'm so poor right now. Perhaps the most poor I'll ever be. Financially. 

I've got a beautiful pregnant wife. I've got a lovely sick daughter. And yet I feel rich beyond measure. 

God, have mercy on my soul.  I'm a sinful man. You love me despite my imperfection. You claim to love because of my imperfections. 

I believe you. 

Keep me O' Lord. 

Show me how I can show you. 

Amen.