I realize that not all of it is your fault. You shouldn't have been born and raised the way that you were. Your dad did and said some pretty awful things when you were a kid. Stuff that no kid should ever see or hear.
When you got older you started doing and saying the same things yourself. You chose not to hear the guiding voice that you heard when you were his son. You became deaf to the only Loving Voice that would hear you when you wept as a child.
You chose to be apart of your first son's life. You chose to be a father when someone else chose not to be. You loved a son from what little love you had received from your father. You punished him for fear that he one day may turn into who you are. You also punished his mother for not giving the love you desperately longed for.
When the next two children came, the love you longed for didn't come with them. So, you punished them. But not in the same way. You just disappeared. You were found by a lord. One that sold love in exchange for your money. Your desire for love consumed you.
You no longer have your wife. You no longer have your children. You still don't have the Love that will sustain you.
Your father died without ever affirming you.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry that you don't have anything to cling to.
I'm sorry that I do.
I'm sorry that you got angry at your family because no one showed you how to be different.
I'm sorry you can't hear that Voice anymore.
I'm sorry that I can.
I'm sorry that you felt so much pressure from everyone to meet their needs.
I'm sorry that you your father died.
I'm sorry that you died with him.
I'm sorry that your still angry.
I'm sorry that I'm still angry.
I'm sorry I never told you that you were enough.
I'm sorry that I almost killed you when I protected mom.
I'm sorry you're still looking for Love and that you think it will come from a woman.
I want you to know that I love you.
I want you to know that you don't have to worry about me being the same person you are.
I want you to know that who your father was isn't who Our Father is.
I want you to know that He's the Great Love you have been looking for.
I want you to know that despite everything, I want you as my dad.
I know 23 years ago you chose me, and 23 years from then I choose you.
The Lord chose you, too, long before you were who you are now. And He still chooses you.
I am going to be different when it's my turn. It's not because of anything you've done to me, it's because of what He has done to me. And because He forgave me, I forgive you.
Forgive me.
