Sheepish

You know what saying bugs me that Christians have recently picked up? "Ya gotta let go...and let God."

What the hell...could you be more nelly?

Don't give me that. You try letting go, and letting God.

It's a shame that we have come up with that incredibly corny saying. Shouldn't it be easier to let go and allow the Lord to do what we are incapable of doing? You would think by now, that as followers of Christ, that we would be instinctively following without hesitation, allowing the Lord to lead us through the uncomfortable places in our lives.

Instead we are resistant. Trust becomes an issue. We get scared and run for the hills. And yet, here He comes running after us, a Shepard after His sheep.

That damned sheep. The one that historically runs off from Him. Still, it doesn't matter. It's His. And He'll pick the sheep up, and carry it back to the other damn sheep, til it finally realizes just how safe it is with His Shepard. Even in unfamiliar environments.

This is what I am. A damned sheep. One that is doomed to run off from his Shepard. A sheep that will inevitably be carried back to the place where I don't want to be. A sheep that refuses to let Him lead me through uncomfortable places.

Lord,

Here is where I find comfort, draped over your shoulders. Your hands hold my feet and legs, so that I can't fight you anymore. I'm sorry that I was. I'll walk with you. I'll let you lead for now...and, in case I don't, you know where to find me.

Love.

Amen.

Wrestlin

When I read the story of how Jacob wrestled with God and had his hip broken, I easily see myself doing the same.

Me: Look here, Lord, you're gonna give me what I want!

Him: No! You don't know what you're asking! It's not time!

Me: I want it now or else we're gonna be here all night!

(He touches my hip and "Crack!")

Me: Shitttttttt!

So now, here I am, broken. Broken because that's where He wants me. The place of reckoning. A place where I can do nothing, but hear undesirable necessary words.

This voice guides me out of the brokenness, the mess I have made of myself. It desperately wants to heal the brokenness. And I desperately need the healing.

I am in awe of how He continually puts up with my mess. Even when I lie and say I'll never do it again.

Lord,

Don't give up on me. That's a ridiculous statement. You haven't. You know me better than anyone, and you still haven't.

Allow me to see the things that need reckoning. Allow yourself to heal those things. Break them from me first if they are enabling me to selfishly wrestle with you.

Thanks for not literally breaking my hip. That would suck.

Love.

Amen.

Prayer

Lord,

I am unworthy.  I sin against you on the regular.  Your will is not mine.  Your will is more than I can bear.  I want so little and, yet, You long for me to have more.  Allow me to taste the goodness you have in store. 

You have given me so much.  I give nothing back.  Give me joy.  And I will fail you again.  You knew it all along and you still gave it.  I’m grateful for your grace.  You are my Hope.

Amen.

Need

I'm trying to reflect right now by writing.  Hopefully, I can somewhat reflect about what I've read and how I feel right now.

Certainly, I am unsure of what to write at this very moment.  I am also unsure of how I am supposed to lead this small group that I am in with a bunch of people from church.  Somehow I have tricked them into coming back week after week.  They think they are coming to hear about the Lord.  That's not true.  They are coming to hear a sinner talk about his Lord.  About how he loves Him so much.  And yet I fail show it in who I am.

I am supposed to be different by now!  I have been following Him for a while now! Why am I unchanged!  I long to be changed, Lord!

Allow me to change you.

Lord,

I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you.

Amen.

My beloved,

You're accepted.  Accepted.  Accepted. Accepted.

Some Change

Peter Needs Change From Jesus

Peter: Hey Jesus...

Jesus: Yes, Simon, brother of Andrew?

Peter: You changed my name to Peter, remember? Do you have change for a $20?

Jesus: Of course I remember, Peter. The Son of Man is not one of a forgetful spirit, but of an omniscient one.

Peter: What? Do you have change for a $20 or what?

Jesus: My son, I tell you the Truth, unless you walk by me, you will not see change in what you seek.

Peter: Seriously, Jesus. I need to buy this donkey. It's the only way You can get into Jerusalem.

Jesus: Simon, brother of--

Peter: Peter!

Jesus: I'm Jesus...

Peter: My Lord!

Jesus: Yes?

Peter: Can I just get a straight answer out of you?! For once!

Jesus: My son, for your sake, the path that I walk has been made straight for for you, you who seek the change you desire.

Peter: I just need to break a $20.

Jesus: The seed does not grow unless it has been broken, and so the Son of Man will be.

Peter: What does that even mean?! You can't always talk to me in parables! Just say yes or say no!

Jesus: Ok. There once was a man looking to buy his way into town when he--

Peter: This better answer the question.

Jesus: As I was saying, Simon--

Peter: Peter!

Jesus: I'm Jesus...

Peter: Grrrr

(John walks up)

John: What up G! Hello, Peter...

Jesus: Johnny Boy!

John: Say, Jesus...

Jesus: Yes my son?

John: You got change for a $20?

(Peter condescendingly looks at John as to answer for Jesus)

Jesus: You know I got change! Two 5s and a 10 alright?

Peter: What the Pharisee?!

John: That works!

Peter: You have got to be kidding me.

(Jesus and John exchange money and high-fives as Peter looks on in disgust)

Jesus: You see, Peter, you may not receive your answer in the way you anticipate it...but you will get your answer. I did have change for a $20.

Peter: I--I just don't understand what is expected of me anymore...I need a drink. Can I see that cup?

Jesus: You can not drink from the same cup as me.

Peter: You're doing it again! I don't know if you're literally talking about this cup right here, in your hand! Or if you're talking about a figurative cup of life or death or whatever the Sheol you're talking about!

Jesus: Peter...

Peter: What!

Jesus: You've seen me do miracle after miracle...

Peter: Yeah?! What's your point?!

Jesus: You've seen me turn the blind into men of sight, you've seen me turn the lame into upright men...

Peter: Carry on!

Jesus: Water into wine...

Peter: Ok! Get on with it!

Jesus: Surely...I can turn a $20 into change. O' ye of little faith.

Peter: Sorry, Jesus, I was in denial.

Jesus: This won't be the last time.

Peter: What??

That's as far as this story goes.

However, you could pick back up at John 13:36

Problem Solver

^“3-4 I set plainspoken wisdom before you,
      my heart-seasoned understandings of life.
   I fine-tuned my ear to the sayings of the wise,
      I solve life's riddle with the help of a harp.” – Psalm 49:3-4

Really, anything I hear can affect me.

It’s time I hear the Lord. Allow Him to affect my life.  Turn a deaf ear to all of the things that are irrelevant, the negative messages, the positive ones, the hurtful shouts, and the joyful praises.  It’s about what He has to say to me.

Here’s a song that I really enjoy…the lyrics make me happy.  Solve some problems with some good music.

That was biblical.

Slumber by Needtobreathe    

       
Days they force you     
Back under those covers
Lazy mornings they multiply
But glory's waiting
Outside your window
So wake on up from your slumber
And open up your eyes

Tongues are violent
Personal and focused
Tough to beat with
Your steady mind
But hearts are stronger after broken
So wake on up from your slumber
And open up your eyes

All these victims
Stand in line for
The crumbs that fall from the table
Just enough to get by
All the while
Your invitation
Wake on up from your slumber
Come on open up your eyes

Take from vandals
All you want now
But please don't trade it in for life
Replace the feeble
With the fable
Wake on up from your slumber
And open up your eyes

All these victims
Stand in line for
The crumbs that fall from the table
Just enough to get by
All the while
Your invitation
Wake on up from your slumber
Come on open up your eyes

Sing like we used to
Dance when you want to
Taste of the breakthrough
And open wide

All these victims
Stand in line for
The crumbs that fall from the table
Just enough to get by
All the while
Your invitation
Wake on up from your slumber
Come on open up your eyes

Sing like we used to
And dance like you want to
Open up your eyes

_underscore_

This morning I had this crazy, revolutionary, epiphany when my alarm went off …“What if I actually got up and engaged the day when I am stirred?  What if I encountered people if the opportunity presented itself?  What if I actually listened to my wife, the first time around?”  And perhaps the craziest thought, “What if I actually listened to the Lord when He spoke?”

With these thoughts running wild through my head, I simply pressed snooze and went back to sleep for another 40 minutes.

Now, I can’t help but think about how different my life would be just by getting out of bed when I hear the call.  Even more, I get a little emotional and somewhat anxious when I think about how differently things would be if I just listened to what Jesus had to say to me.

Right now, I’m thinking about how much different Jesus was from me just from His little time on earth.  The mornings He spent praying, the days He spent engaging folks, the nights He spent around a table with His closest friends, and the life He lived of purely listening.

This is clearly “it.”

Lord,

Let the noises of this world be an underscore to the words you want me to hear.

Amen.

in The Way

“Peter, get out of my way! Satan, get lost! You have no idea how God works.”

 – Jesus, Mark 8:31-38 MSG

Sometimes, I feel like I get in the way of the Lord.  Like the way Peter got in the way of Him.  He has this magnificent plan for me, and yet I would rather step in and tell Him how I see it.  It’s a shame.  I am constantly reminded how short-sighted I am.  I am certain Peter felt this way when he was with Jesus.  Peter always says what is on his mind.  Jesus rebuking him for his thoughtless views.

Its funny.  As dumb as I think Peter is sometimes, I am often Peter.  I say things with without much insight into what I am actually professing.  I do things that are often detrimental to the Living Word inside of me.  And God! He has nothing but compassion and love for me.  Certainly, chastisement is due.  But the Lord Jesus saw it coming.  He stepped in front of me to take on the wrath of a hurt Father.  

Thankfully, He didn’t mind to get in my way.

Amen.

A Godsman

"What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily." (Galatians 2:19-21 MSG)

I've been talking lately about becoming different. Different because of the way He looks at me. Different because of the way I'm drawn to Him. How can I have not been drawn to Him all along? Why have I ran from such great Love?

I've ached and yearned for this undying, unwavering affection from someone more than me. Initially, I put this burden of providing such a love on my dad. I thought I needed the affection from him to sustain me. Now I'm starting to realize that he was never meant to. It isn't humanly possible.

I don't want to respond to the love God is offering me in the same way I did 6 years ago. I want it to be a genuine reciprocation. Something I don't have to work so hard for because its innate. Something I don't feel pressured into doing. I don't want to do it to impress.

I need Him simply because I'm dead without Him.

Amen.

Friday

First, let me say that I love my Lord Jesus, and I trust in Him for my security and peace.

“A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

 ²⁴ The disciples went and woke him, saying, ‘Master, Master, we’re going to drown!’

   He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.”

--- Luke 8:23-24

Friday was a time of uncertainty to say the least.  Outside, the weather was making everyone feel uncomfortable and nervous.  Rightfully so!  The sky was dark, a murderous feel.  The wind was howling like a wolf declaring war on its prey.  Rain was coming down in every direction, unsure of where the next drop would land.

Inside, the mood was just as wild.  Kids talking loudly, mocking the weather.  Some nervous, others unaffected.  All their faces pointed towards the wall, or locker, as though they’d be saved if the winds followed up on their threat.  Commotion.  Rightfully so!  And then she showed up.  Security in the flesh.  She told them to be quiet, and they were.  The noises, the mocking, the nervousness I felt, all subsided because of her presence.

She walked the hallways lined with students, speaking to each, comforting all, rebuking some.  With each word, she spoke with love.  This is what it’s about.  To be seen and to be heard.  To comfort the afflicted and to scold the scoffers.  And yet to love all.

Lastly, let me say that I love my principal Stephanie Taylor, her presence brings security and peace.