Never thought I'd be this old fashioned at 25.
This morning, I went to a church that is non-denominational. Non-denominational, no big deal. I've been to a few. I don't really get into one denomination over the other. But I know what I am not in to in a church.
The New Age Non-denominational Church. What does this consist of?
Well, this is a faux conversation with a New Age Non-Denominational Church Guy.
Me: So, what is your non-denom church like?
NANDCG: Well, it's awesome!
Me: I bet it is, but like what are y'all about?
NAMDCG: Do you like connection cards? With clicking pocket pens attached?
Me: I mean, I guess?
NAMDCG: Awesome! Then you're going love our church!
Me: What? What else are you guys about? Do you guys talk about Jesus?
NAMDCG: Depends.
Me: On what?
NAMDCG: On what sermon we bought for the week.
Me: Really?!
NAMDCG: I know, right?! Awesome?! Or what?! Dude, do you enjoy fog machines?!
Me: No?
NAMDCG: Great! Then you are going to love worship! We have this band with an edgy worship leader in skinny jeans, messy hair, and a Hebrew tattoo that you kind of have to look for. And if you like singing songs you've never heard before, then you'll love the worship.
Me: Are you listening to me? I said no, that doesn't appeal to me.
NAMDCG: Yeah, yeah, right?! And then when we get big enough, we are going to build another church...and then another. But we are totally going to have just one pastor and he'll be patched in.
Me: Who is the pastor?
NAMDCG: Well, it could either be dragon button up shirt guy or hipster glasses guy.
Me: Ok.
NAMDCG: When you come, we'll make sure someone with a lanyard greets you with a handshake in the right hand and the new iPhone in the left.
Me: What does that matter?!
NAMDCG: Because dude everyone needs to serve. Here, pick what you want to do this Sunday.
Me: This is stupid.
Non-denomination is the new denomination.
I hate to sound cynical, but really? Fog machines, light shows, videos about nothing, short sleeve button downs, lanyards, connection cards, clicking pens, church branded apparel, Hebrew tattoos, (fill in the blank name of church) kidz, and bought sermons?
I just want a church that has a pastor who is quick to listen, and slow to speak. A musician that plays music solely out of his reverence for The Lord.
I don't want an Awesome church. I want a church that cares for one another because they love The Lord. And the church loves the community because they were first loved. Why is this so hard to find?
Please help Lord. I don't know what I'm to do about this. I don't want to be cynical. I know there is good in churches like that, but it just feels like a Wal-mart for religion. Get everything here for cheap.
Amen.
